The End of the World As We Know it
by astroguitarist
Summary: A summary would ruin it, read and you'll see.


Disclaimer:

Author's Note: I know this so far has almost no connection to the hitchhiker's guide and it also looks like it's the last chapter and not the first but you'll see how it all works out in the second chapter. Oh and by the way this starts off after the Vogons destroy the Earth and heads off in a totally different direction. Hope you like it!

In the small village of Westington, Montana there are just about 100 people. Nothing ever happened in Westington. They were a farming community that lived mostly off the land. The average person there went into the city once every month to buy the goods they rarely needed. All was very normal in Westington. The people there had very happy lives and were happy with all the normality and quietness, and quietness there was. Cars barely passed there because there was no need and also the roads were pretty bad and were made literally from junk. They didn't even have a police station there because everyone was good. That's why they were so surprised when this night came. This night was going to be entirely different in a haunting way.

John Chuangdumrongsomsuk was a New Yorker and a mean one at that. But he wasn't just mean. He was the meanest, bossiest jerk existing on our mean and bossy little world. Every morning he would wake up and grab his pistol to shoot a few rounds into the city just for the fun of it. The police never caught him of course, being to busy investigating what was happening to all the grass in Central Park, which was mysteriously vanishing. This morning, like every morning, John drove to work. What made this morning different was he actually had something to do at work. He worked for the FBI as an astronomer, researching alien landings on Earth. Everybody absolutely hated him but he was the best at what he did. When he walked in, there was an exciting atmosphere in the office and one of his workers said to him, "Boss, you won't believe what just happened. Try to guess."

John immediately got into a fit of mock excitement and guessed,

"The FBI is on a low budget and I get to fire you!"

"No…." said the guy, "But thanks."

What was really happening was there was a landing in Montana on a farm and the FBI was sending him to investigate it. He didn't mind that too much, what he really minded was he knew exactly who they were going to send with him on the mission. The two people he hated the most, Mike and Jillian.

It was a long way to Montana, a really long way to be more accurate. The FBI had to send them with a car because they had to spend their money on really expensive food, drinks, furniture, and basically everything a person ever wanted for the highest ranking agents which John, Mike, and Jillian weren't. John was stuck in a smelly, hot, old, and surprisingly still working van with the married Mike and Jillian. He used to like them a lot until they got married. Mike was a tough guy and Jillian was a work centered girl, but then they got married and turned all soft and mushy. There were times when he found Mike talking to him about how it's ok to cry and that he should show how he feels inside. On top of everything they also shared their feelings for each other publicly. Now he hated their soft mushy guts.

The driver was a foreigner from some unknown country. Every time anybody tried to talk to him or ask him a question he would stop the van, turn around, look at them, and start screaming at them in gibberish. About an hour before they arrived at the site they began to see a greenish glow in the sky and it got stronger and stronger as they kept on going forward. When they got to Westington they were completely surrounded by green. They were also surprised that the road beneath them was made from garbage but that was beside the matter. It was like pitch black just green; you could say it was pitch green. Everybody there looked immensely sick. They looked as if they had just gone on a crazy, loopy, roller coaster 500000000000000000 times. There was a nice and big crater in the middle of a farm. Inside there was a green meteorite and a few dead, dumb people who had looked in and thought,

"Hmm, lets see if I can jump into the crater from here and come out alive," and then jumped.

John started investigating immediately,

"Mike get over here!" screamed John.

"Yes Boss," he answered, "just a sec. Bye Jilly, I have to go" Jillian looked at him with a loving face and said,

"Bye honey."

John thought he might barf. Actually maybe he did, you can't really tell when it's pitch green. Mike got to John and they started to work.

John and Mike systematically tested absolutely everything about the meteorite. Meanwhile Jillian tested the things around the meteorite. She tested the soil, she tested the plants, and she even tested the people. Nothing was out of the ordinary (the people's answers were a little stupid but she didn't think that mattered) until she tested the air. There were extreme amounts of uranium in the air. She ran to John and Mike to tell them. When she told them they almost fainted, or Mike almost fainted.

"So that's what's making all the people sick!" cried out Mike.

"Wow Mike, did you figure that out all by yourself?" asked John sarcastically.

A rush of information came to them all at once. First they figured out that the meteorite wasn't in fact a meteorite but an alien spaceship. Then they figured out that to get the uranium out of here they had to get the alien to drive away his spaceship. More so they had to drive away the alien and his spaceship _now_ before the people got too sick.

"Let's go!" screamed John.

And they were on the move to search for the alien.

Garlets were peculiar creatures. They always did the opposite of what people told them. That's why when one Garlet's father grounded him and told him to stay at home he went to build a spaceship and get off the Garlet's strange planet Krong, when an expert gave him advice to build the spaceship out of something safe and stable he built it out of uranium, and when John screamed at him to get off of Earth he stayed perfectly still. John screamed and screamed and was joined by Mike but the alien still stayed in the same place. John tried to guide him step by step to the spaceship,

"Go left," the Garlet went right, "I said left!" The Garlet went right again.

"Wait," said Jillian "he's doing the exact opposite of what you tell him to do. Don't get off of Earth!" Jillian screamed.

That caused several things to happen. First it caused both John and Mike to go temporarily deaf, and then it caused the Garlet to get into his spaceship and set out for the freezing emptiness of space. Ironically he crashed into the burning hot sun. More ironically, while Jillian thought she saved the world, she actually destroyed it. The reason is that as you remember, the spaceship was made out of uranium and it was a huge spaceship. Unfortunately uranium explodes. At that moment the sun and the uranium exploded and destroyed not only the Earth but also Mercury, Venus, Mars, and all the things living on them. That ended the lives of John, Mike, Jillian, and the entire human race.

TBC- I'd love to hear what you think!


End file.
